Keeping in touch
by Blind-Eyes-That-See
Summary: Naruto knows that a real friend should keep in touch no matter the circumstances, so, with that in mind, he writes Sasuke often to keep his old friend up on current activities. Non yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

_I am not quite as proud of this fic as I am of The Talk. However I believe it is funny. I will put up two initial chapters and then my third written one tommorow. From there it will be updated whenever I have time. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. _

_Rating: T_

Dear Sasuke,

What the (!) dude? I haven't seen you in weeks! Sakura was trying to tell me something about you the other day but to tell you the truth I was thinking about ramen while she was talking. I love ramen. The eggs, the pork, the noodles, all mixed together to ravage your taste buds as the broth slides down to warm your insides… Have you ever wondered what Sakura would look like if her hair was made of ramen? I practically get a-

But I'm getting off topic. Without you here I'm having trouble finding a suitable training partner. Kakashi is way too strong for me. Yesterday I challenged him to a match. I didn't know that a blunt object could extract that much blood. Stupid tree… Later I found someone perfect but apparently it's not "Progressive" or "Ethical" or "Legal" to train with a house cat. Pfft… it had it coming anyway. Stupid thing snuck into my house and attacked me. I talked to Kiba later that day and he thinks it's a rare German fox hunting cat. Damn cat thought I was a fox. Do I look like a fox to you? Well Sakura came over and stopped me before I did anything I'd regret, but not before that stupid thing bit half my ear off. Don't worry though.

I'm currently in the hospital writing this letter to you. Tsunade said they wouldn't be able to repair my ear so they had to do a transplant. The thing is they didn't have any human ears on hand… so they had to use a foxes. Go figure eh? Later that day Sakura brought over the cat to show me "how sorry it was". Long story short now I have two fox ears… and the cat has my wallet. Don't ask.

At first I thought I'd send this letter via hawk. However hawks are more expensive than I had previously anticipated… I talked to Shino and managed to procure a particularly buff butterfly to carry this letter.

Your friend + Rival + Partner - Friend

Naruto

* * *

_The next chapter is longer. Reviews are very much appreciated, whether they be analytical , summarising , critical, or avid._


	2. Chapter 2

_This is the second part. Much funnier in my opinion. _

_Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto_

Dear Sasuke,

Your emoness appears to be infectious dude. The butterfly I sent came back black and red. Shino asked it what was wrong but apparently it kept singing Emo Kid. What did you do to that poor thing? Oh well.

I'm out of the hospital now. The fox ears are going surprisingly well for me. You wouldn't believe how much chicks dig fox ears. I've already made five dates for six o'clock tomorrow. Sakura, who is sadly immune to my foxy goodness, has again brought that dumb cat over. After a demonstration of my awesome ninja skills, and a little crying, I managed to regain my wallet. The bad news is Sakura couldn't find a place for the stupid thing to stay so now I'm stuck with it. Remember that time we played hide and seek and you kept finding me because you used your sharingan to detect my movement… and because I tried to hide in the river without realizing I couldn't swim? Well I swear to god this thing is either a genius or it has a sharing an too because no matter what I do or where I go it keeps finding me. He does kind of have that Uchiha look… But I digress.

I have recently discovered that you are in fact with Orochimaru! That's right. I figured it out. Yup, your old friend is pretty sly. I began to suspect your defection to the sound when me and Sakura were walking down the market district and we noticed a particularly emo chicken get eaten by a snake. Now this alone sparked nothing in me but disgust, awe, and hunger, but then Sakura burst into tears and cried "Sasuke! Why did you have to go to Orochimaru" and then proceeded to cry until I got her a gift. Her right hook is getting better. I still don't know why she reacted so poorly. She likes books and the Pervy Sage assured me this one was a great read. I didn't look at the cover but it was called "The Hottest Kind of Wrestling" so I assume it was about wrestling in volcanoes.

Even after that I wasn't quite certain of your location, so I decided to take a look around town. First I stopped by your house. I found a note on your door that read "Gone to Orochimaru's. Be back never". Having done that I raided your kitchen. You sure like tomatoes. Next I went around town and asked people what they knew about your whereabouts. When I questioned Tenten about it her first response was "Who the hell is Sasuke". It was then I realized that you and she had never interacted. Like at all…

So anyway then I gave her your description. Her second was response was slightly more lucrative. It was "Wait, who the hell are you?" I left after that.

I was going to ask Hinata what she knew, you and her being very distant cousins and all, but she just said " N-n-naruto-kun. D-d-don't you know that that Uchiha-san has-" Then she fainted and fell over. That poor girl must have some kind of disorder. Sakura was much more helpful. After she beat me into a very bloody, very sexy pulp for not listening to her in the first place she said something about the main road out of the village. She said more but to tell you the truth after the words "Main road out of Konoha" I just started thinking about ramen.

Not a bit discouraged by my failure to find an answer I traveled to the location Sakura had pointed out to me. I found a long series of footprints headed out of the village. About a mile out from Konoha they abruptly ended at the base of a tree with the words "Sasuke was here" engraved into its bark. I have to admit I was disappointed for a moment but then those words gave me an idea. I needed to where you had been! Luckily I found this backward set of your footprints nearby and I followed them. I traveled to this odd village that looked exactly like Kohoha. There was even this really hot girl with pink hair that waved at me when I passed her. She was almost as pretty as Sakura. Almost.

As I traveled deeper into this odd parallel world where girls as pretty as Sakura waved at me and footprints were backwards, I noticed a building that looked exactly like the Hokages' office. Deciding that non aggression never helped anybody I went on the offensive and stormed the place. The security there was really lax. All they had was this really surprised looking girl with brown hair carrying a stack of papers. Like paper can hurt me! Anyway I made it to the alternate Hokages' office. They have a female Kage too but apparently she's much younger than Grandma Tsunade. She was sitting behind her desk staring at me in wonder. I demanded that she tell me anything she knew of you but she just kept staring at me with her mouth open. Eventually she closed her mouth, sighed, and took a sip of sake.

"What the hell are you doing Naruto?" She asked me. I was surprised that she knew my name. She must have been a master of mind reading techniques or something. I flew at her, using my ninja skills to make myself look awesome while doing so. Thinking quickly I presented my head first, deducing that that would be the hardest part of my body, and spread my arms wide to maintain balance. I don't know what happened next but I heard a large cracking sound and the sound of wood smashing.

When I woke up I was back in Konoha. I don't know how I got back but thank god I did. That place was weird. I don't know why you would go there man. But I couldn't help feeling I was one step closer to finding you.

So anyway then Tsunade came to tend my head wound and she explained to me that you had left to join Orochimaru to gain power. And you know what? You took those CD's I lent you last week. I have resolved to gather a team of as many powerful ninja as I can find to track you down Sasuke. And when I find you I'll bring you back to Konoha even if I have to do so with you in a full body cast. If that's what it takes to save you from the sound (and to get my CD's back) then so be it!

At first Shino's butterfly wasn't willing to take this letter back , but after I got it tickets to some concert it flipped its antenna back , huffed, and flew off.

Your future boss,

Naruto!

P.S Believe it!

_Please review._


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto_

Dear Sasuke,

We set off today at the crack of noon. When I proposed the idea of a rescue mission yesterday, Tsunade responded with a firm yes. Well "Yes" wasn't her exact wording. Her exact wording was "No". At first I despaired. However, being the awesome ninja that I am, I calmed myself down and resolved to apply all ninja methods of persuasion I knew of.

Torture was a huge failure. Grandma Tsunade is tougher than she looks. She barely flinched as the opera music slowly spewing from my Ipod flooded the room. To tell you the truth I felt I went a bit far on that one. More than fifty seconds of Opera music can kill a bull moose. Luckily for Tsunade-Sama she managed to turn off the Ipod before any serious damage was done. Unfortunately for me she managed to turn it off by laying it on her desk and ramming my head against it. Incase your wondering she went with hardwood. Very hardwood…

Seduction went much better. Because the desk had already been destroyed from some idiot ramming his head against its base yesterday, and the aforementioned damage, she had to settle for breaking my head against the door (Which is much softer). Honestly I don't see what I did wrong. I did everything the pervy sage said to do in the case of seduction. I told her "Is it hot in here or is it just me? ", I yawned and put my arm around her shoulder (Which was a bit awkward considering I was on the other side of the desk), and fixed my gaze on her chest. I'll ask him about that later.

Anyway, I had all but given up hope, when that stupid cat I got stuck with, peeped its head through the hole my head had created in the door. It mewed softly and then jumped to my shoulder and rubbed against my cheek. I don't know, I guess it decided it wanted to be my friend. Not that I can blame it. If I were anyone but me I would be up all night thinking about me. But I'm me so I'm above that.

Tsunade stared at it for a second. Then her eyes got all wide. I heard her say something that sounded like Makegen- but then her eyes got all unfocused and her arms dropped to her side. She stood perfectly still for a minute.

I waited for a moment, not completely certain that she wasn't using some kind of new technique that involved psyching me out to put me off guard so she could jump me and tie me to her door as a new door knocker. Finally though, my natural confidence returned, and I gently pushed the cat towards her. She made no movement. The cat turned back and looked at me quizzically. I could have sworn I saw a flash of red in its eyes, but it was probably just my imagination. With a shrug the cat turned full round to me and then hopped back on my shoulders. Worried I turned back to face Tsunade. She was still staring out blankly. Finally I spoke.

"Grandma Tsunade?" I said. To my surprise her gaze fixed on me instantly. She spoke.

"Grandma Tsunade?" She said in a lazy tone. I stared back at her, on the verge of freaking out.

"W-whats wrong with you?" I asked.

"W-whats wrong with you?" She repeated in the same lazy voice. My mouth gaped open. My first instinct was to leave the room and call the medical corps but then an idea hit me, and I turned back to her.

"I give full permission for Naruto Uzumaki to assemble a team of whomever he sees fit for the sole purpose of the retrieval of Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto's Cds from said Uchiha. Also Naruto is cool and he will definitely be the next and best Hokage, even if all the other Hokage's were brought back to life and combined in awesomeness."

"I give full permission for Naruto Uzumaki to assemble a team of whomever he seems fit for the sole purpose of the retrieval of Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto's Cds from said Uchiha. Also Naruto is cool and he will definitely be the next and best Hokage, even if all the other Hokage's were brought back to life and combined in awesomeness." She repeated. I smiled and was about to leave when I got an even better idea. After a quick jaunt back to my house, and a little creative tailoring, I had Tsunade in her own orange jumpsuit. Orange looks good on her. Of course it looks good on everyone (Especially me). You should look into getting one. Orange really is a way cooler ninja color than black or blue. In fact, when I'm Hokage, I shall make my orange suit's the new official uniform of all Kohoha ninja. Believe it! (Seriously, believe it.).

Later that day I started work on my awesome crack team of ninja. At first Shikamaru refused on the grounds that my mission was " A drag" and " Non paying" and "Suicidal", however I managed to obtain a key to his house later that day and I guess either he, and all his worldly possessions will be coming along, or just the latter. By the way, the key to his house is called "Rasenganing the doorknob". As the day progressed I managed to gather many more allies including Neji, Hinata, Shino, Choji , Kakashi-Sensei, that one dude with the eyebrows, Kiba, and my cat. I've done things I'm not… all that proud of. I've been worked to death, beaten, and on one occasion set on fire but I have my team. Sakura wanted to come, but I wouldn't let her. You know, I hadn't thought of it before that moment, but Sakura's kind of useless isn't she? She pretty much just stands back and cries while we do all the cool stuff… meh.

Sakura did however tell me "Send Sasuke this." and then proceeded to kiss me. Enclosed is this letter is a picture of my face. Please begin practicing. ( Last time was not enough tongue, and too much screaming).

I am currently writing this letter on the road from Konoha to wherever the hell you are. Right now we're following Kiba. Akamaru and my cat had a long staring match the other day, and I was about to break it up , but then he got this really blank stare and just started walking forward for a few hours. I should look into that.

I'm growing a bit fonder of this cat. Instead of walking he just hangs onto my shoulder. He doesn't really claw, and to tell you the truth it keeps my head warm. I'm debating on what to call him. He's all black, with red flecks in his eyes. It almost looks like ah… But I digress. He reminds me a little of you. So I shall call him little Sasuke.

Shino's butterfly is currently out of commission. Apparently its life is spiraling downward, blah blah, can't do some flippy thing as well as some guy, blah blah. So to carry this message I talked to Kakashi. At first he just stared at me like I was stupid, and asked me why I would be sending a letter to someone we were supposedly tracking. Kakashi sure can be dense sometimes huh? I laughed at him, and told him that real friends will strive to stay in touch no matter the situation. When he asked about the picture I was sending, I told him it was for you to practice kissing on. He kept looking at me for a second , but then he sighed and started a summoning jutsu.

The technique he used summoned a big winged dog . Kakashi assures me that "Fluffy" won't turn out like the butterfly, as he has been vaccinated for Emo. As I'm sending this note to you we're setting up camp near the base of a Mt. Ann. Neji's giving a lecture to the group about how perfect he is and how they are predestined to set up the tent wrong. That guys getting on my nerves a bit…

Signed,

Naruto Uzumaki and Little Sasuke.

Ps. Mount Ann. Ha-ha.

_Please review._


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